In all of this I think I would simply conclude that the use of mj can swiftly turn from recreational peer pressure if you will, to dependency and a key catalyst for depression, particularly if you already suffer from depression.
As a social event, smoking is 100% enjoyable. What’s not to enjoy? Being taken to another realm where your thoughts and feelings are wholly manifested and concentrated in your head until you lose the high. You can slow down reality, time and most importantly your own thoughts.
Then when you realise that being depressed in a euphoric clouded reality is a feeling you crave to escape your problems… I never, ever thought I could be addicted to marijuan. Ever.
It was only ever a social thing. But having suffered from what I would describe as ‘chronic depression’ but as the doctors state it medically; ‘depression and anxiety’, on and off for the past six years, I didn’t necessarily consider mj an issue as I hasn’t smoked it dependently at any point before recently. I started smoking MJ because of my current ex bf. he was forever smoking around me as he was also depressed before and during our relationship. I didn’t really understand the severity of his problems with mj, as he was in a state of delusion himself and always needing to get high or be high. He would smoke copious amounts and even steal from me to get high. But because I had never been in that horrible dependent cycle, I never had anymore than a symbolic understanding of his constant need to smoke. But as I now too use weed to escape my problems, I understand how it’s desirable effects can be manifested into something dark, cloudy and never ending. I don’t believe it causes depression, however, that’s because I was depressed prior to smoking pot.
I smoke about a score every two days… That’s £70 a week on mj… Let’s just say I’m a student living in inner City London without a job paying full rent, travel and every day living costs… But I have become surprisingly dependent on getting high. The habit was fueled by my ex 100%. He always reasoned that MJ wasn’t even a drug let alone addictive, and we would sit there smoking for hours watching countless documentaries on MJ. Because I loved him, I would suppress the obvious truth and believe it was near enough harmless minus the tobacco. Another line of confusing is not acknowledging it’s negative, very real affects, and dismissing all possibility that you’re even affected, so how can you quit? I have never actively attempted to quit as I don’t want to fail, showing me I gave a real issue… That would surely upset me more than my depressing suppressing, induced, ignorant bliss.
He would encourage me to smoke with him, which I suppose made the guilt for his own sorrow less weighty. I would be passed out and he would still put the spliff to my lips for me to pull a couple of tokes..
We would smoke all day and achieve nothing while I was supposed to be studying, but at that time I wasn’t dependent, so for the times I was able to see my bf, it didn’t bother me (the weekends) but ofc he really wasn’t good for me in more ways than one, so we split up about a month ago after just over two long years and the police are currently involved…
Since the break up about a month ago after just over two years, I’ve been continually smoking everyday as much as possible it seems. It was initially an easy, familiar way to get over the situation I found myself in, but it’s stuck with me, even though my current situation isn’t importuning any time, which gives me hope regarding my constant abusive use of MJ. I have been smoking a fair amount that I didn’t consider an issue even before we broke up, as I said we would smoke whenever we were around each other… It was a very sad cycle that I’m glad has been broken, however, I still have been left with this nasty habit of smoking weed whenever I get the chance to numb my thoughts.
I used to make verbal diaries, but eventually talking to yourself just isn’t enough. The weed enables me to be depressed which seeing as I am anyway is what I usually desire to achieve when I smoke weed alone. I like to smoke when I wake up, which is something me and my ex used to do… And if I’ve got no obligations, I’ll smoke all day, or take one on my travels then smoke before I eat and before I sleep. I like to get “comatosed” so I can sleep easily, but I find it’s a light version of being semi passed out. I very rarely wake up refreshed and awake, which is when I smoke again then mope around for a bit and try to get on with the rest of my day. It’s like I choose to self destruct, including my unhealthy crash dieting and random over eating habits.
I’m still surprised this fad of smoking Mj hasn’t kicked, I haven’t actively tried to quit before as I see any alternative to misery and depression a good thing without taking anti-depressants… When I’m depressed, which is most days, I find all I do is stay in bed for hours, over sleep or eat disgusting amounts until I feel sick. So by smoking weed, I can stay in bed, get really high and sleep, then wake up with the munchies eat, repeat. Terrible cycle as it’s a lifestyle… As you can see, nothing else is mentioned, you just about make time to shit and take a shower for the day…
Not to mention how considering your mind is already distorted or affected in some way contributing to your depression in the first place, the weed simply heightens that because you know that you’re sky high. You over process your thoughts by X1000. I also have anxiety, so I know this to be the case.
Often if the weed isn’t Indica it’s Sativa and you’ll be up paranoid for hours… The slightest sound, the over analysis of every day disputes, isolation from “friends” and family… Negativity, constant paranoid thoughts about everyday things. It can very much feel as though it heightens many issues you already had to deal with.
One thing is that it doesn’t help that it’s everywhere and readily available, friends always have it on them and often want to share, especially in a inner city university campus… I feel as though I need to stop making excuses for a change that needs to happen not just for myself, but for anyone under the age of 70 to achieve something in life.
And I always like to remind myself that I had a bad memory before weed entered my life. But I’m telling you it has swiftly spiralled further down hill since my use of mj.
I like a spliff and a cup of tea as much as the next. But there becomes a problem when it’s abused for more than that, and it will be. It’s a case of how long.
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