The Marijuana Addict Journal – Entries 6 to 10

John’s Note: My Marijuana Addiction Blog Post Archives.    The Journal documented my process of quitting weed and how I was feeling at the time.  I’ve left it here to show what I went through so that you know you are not alone.

#6 December 4 2007
Marijuana Addiction in Relationships

Today I bring you a guest post from Tani.  Tani was one of the first visitors on Marijuana-Addict and I am have been glad to exchange stories and information with her.  I asked Tani to describe what it was like being in a relationship with a fellow smoker, and how it affected the recovery process.

Here is her post Marijuana Addiction in Relationships:

I am one smoker in a relationship with another smoker.
We have quit many times during our near 10 year long relationship, twice for 6 months at a time.   Usually though we quit and go back to smoking after a couple of days.   The reasons for that are varied but some of them are to do with the relationship dynamic.

When in a relationship weed alters things, you are carefree and having fun when stoned, but remember all your worries and issues when withdrawing.  Often one of us will feel confident to quit, but the other feels weak.  The times of having coinciding strength are far and few between.

Coping with each other’s reactions to withdrawal can be difficult as well.  If one is moody and withdrawn the other will often have little patience themselves to deal with it, and things can escalate where they normally would not.

If you can be strong enough to ride out the withdrawal phase (which really only seems to last a few days in terms of extreme mood changes) then the road is easier.  Often I lack this patience and crave a happy conversation and will engineer for us to smoke so we can have a nice time.  I do this as I hope it will give me enough strength to last out the negative time to come.  It does not seem to work though.

It truly seems most effective for us, when quitting, to actually spend that time apart so we do not do too much damage to the relationship.  The trick is then not to think you can go back to occasional smoking.  Both times we thought we had beaten it, we went back thinking we could smoke on certain weekends, but it always escalates.

Thanks to Tani for that great post!  Are you interested in writing an post about your experience?  Contact me at submissions@quitmarijuana.org.

#7 November 25 2007
Marijuana Addiction and Relapse – Journal Day 3

I had my first marijuana addiction relapse.  Well.  Looks like I am back to square one….or will be when I get sober again.  Dammit.  2 days is pretty shitty.

I was craving a lot this evening and wounded up guiding my evening around smoking.  I made  a choice at a certain point smoke, and smoke I did… I met up with people who planned to smoke, so I knew I would be exposed to it.  I need to avoid those situations.  I also contemplated not writing about it in the blog because I thought it might be “a one time thing”.   But everyone gets to hear what really happens.  If I can be honest with myself, I can kick this thing.   I have learned a lot already.  Addicted I am.

I did have a great time tonight.  I have been on this incredible streak with women in the last month or so.  I went out and was waiting at the counter when a SUPER hot girl, seriously 10/10 stunning, walked up and said she was waiting for her friend next door.  I asked her is she wanted to be partners playing darts against another two, she agreed, and we played 1/2 a game of darts.  We flirted mildly until she flaked out and met her friend.

She came back, as I saw her, I looked back and saw her purse.  I handed it to her without saying anything.  She says “You don’t want my number?”  I told her I would give her mine.  She said she wouldn’t call and I took hers down.  I highly doubt she will answer the phone when I text/call.   She is used to having power over men because of her looks, because I was nonchalant, I think she wanted to prove herself to me.   I am not a person who plays women, but this is going to take some creative thinking….cause she is used to A LOT of attention.

Days Sober: 0

 #8 November 23 2007
I quit smoking Pot Cold Turkey on Thanksgiving

I quit marijuana. I am sober. Happy Thanksgiving.

Yesterday was my last day being a marijuana smoker. I ran into my ex-dealer at my local pub and he smoked me up.

I have not had anything today, and I don’t have any left. I do not smoke pot anymore. I am healthy. I am healthy. I crave health.

I have been at this stage before, but I have always relapsed. I know that this blog and support from internet community will help me achieve my goal permanently. The plan from here is to write daily journals of my progress, and more detailed posts on specific techniques or concepts that are helpful to me.

Days Sober: 1

#9 November 23 2007
I Quit Smoking Weed Today!

I did not smoke marijuana today! Yay me.    I am going to make it I need to Stop Smoking Weed for good!

I filled out a marijuana questionnaire today also. It finally hit home that I am a drug addict. I have a drug addiction. I need to change. If I don’t do anything, I will be a drug addict for the rest of my life. That is some heavy stuff right there.   I don’t want to live my life with marijuana abuse!

I kept pretty busy today with family commitments. One of the issues I have had being a stoner is being perpetually late, missing appointments, and commitments. I didn’t wake up on time today, and was a little late for a visit with a friend. This is an area in my life where I have to improve. I will have plenty of energy to do it in the coming days.

I checked out the Marijuana Anonymous website and found their MA Recovery Chat.
I talked to a couple members and they were really cool. I hate to think this will be a daily battle for the rest of my life.

I don’t think I will go to a meeting in person, at least not until I find out more about it.

Thanks to those who have left comments. It is great to see your support.